Do What Feels Right

This is so frequently stated as wisdom in Pagan Circles.  And indeed I believe it has come from older wisdom, but it’s missing the most important part.

After some research and training, when you know and understand how things work and how they’re supposed to feel, then you are free to do what feels right.

Well, I bet that sounds arrogant and snotty to a few people right now.  But let me describe a few situations where beginners “doing what felt right” went badly wrong.

A lady of my acquaintance fell madly passionately in love with a man who didn’t know she existed.  Her first ever spell was a love spell to make him love her.  They were married, but unfortunately it took over 13 years of mental, verbal and physical abuse before she was able to tear herself away from him.

She wouldn’t have cast the spell if it didn’t feel like the right thing to do, she was perfect for him, she just needed to make him see that.

Another group got all caught up in the New Age buzz for all things Native American.  It “felt right” to them to do a bit of magic calling on the spirits of those Native Americans.  Then things went wrong, they reached a point where they felt cursed and asked for help.  A young Native American man told them what to do to honour those spirits, ask their forgiveness and told them not to mess with a culture they don’t understand, and that it had been deeply disrespectful for them to call on those spirits in the first place.

A lady on an internet forum described a ritual she did.  There were a lot of things about herself that she didn’t like and wanted to be rid of, so it “felt right” to do a ritual to remove them.  She ran herself a bath, and as she washed herself, she saw all these negative traits being washed out of her and then going down the drain with the water.  As the water left the bath, she felt more and more drained and empty, she fell into a deep depression that started with a hollow numbness.  It soon led to suicidal thoughts. She hadn’t realised that when you remove something you must replace it with something else, for instance what you like about yourself, or qualities that you’d like to have.

Challenging yourself and leaving your comfort zone always feels uncomfortable, but its how we grow.  What is “feeling right” anyway?  If something feels uncomfortable, does it mean that it feels wrong?  Will we then stagnate and never grow spiritually?

I’m rather over hearing “do what feels right” as justification for every bit of silliness that beginners (and those who’ve been around for a while) can think of.  I am eclectic myself, but I have made an effort to study and learn about what it is I’m borrowing from, whether borrowing can be done respectfully and if there is something else I need to understand before I use it.  If it doesn’t work outside it’s original culture or path, then I won’t use it, I won’t stop learning about it though.  Most eclectics though are the dabblers with a pretty ‘cut and paste’ morality and don’t see that they can possibly be doing anything wrong because “it feels right”.

I was recently criticised for feeling that New Age practices are polluting Paganism and that there is much about the two paths that isn’t compatible.  It very quickly turned into a “how dare you tell me what I can do” which wasn’t what I was saying and a snotty little cow throwing words around that she didn’t understand.  The same person also suggested that my recommendation against the use of Ouija boards was fear-based, but had no reply when I explained fully why it had nothing at all to do with fear, why I recommended against them (because I end up cleaning up the messes created by those who think they can use them fine and safely, but aren’t around for the clean up) and how they actually work.  It came from a place of knowledge not fear.  

The problem I see is that too many people nowadays dabble in things they don’t fully understand.  They don’t realise that they don’t fully understand it and think they’ve got it sussed.  Based on their incomplete knowledge they think “it feels right” and they create a spiritual mess that someone else has to clean up.

A little bit of training, or having a teacher who can assess your knowledge and abilities can prevent a lot of nastiness, but we are the free-thinkers right?  We don’t need authority or someone else to tell us what to do, we do what ever we want as long as it “feels right”.

I once asked an Alexandrian High Priest what he saw as the single main difference between British Traditional (ie Initiate) Wicca and American (book-learned, self-initiated etc) Wicca.  His answer was simple - standards.  It seems rather elitist at first glance, but think about it for a minute.  In Initiate Wicca, there are things you are taught according to your grade or degree.  When you have learned those things, you ask to go to the next level.  If your teacher agrees, you are tested (and not by your teacher) and initiated to the next degree where you learn things that are better suited to your level of understanding and experience.  We have the same thing in schools, you learn this year what is appropriate to your age, intelligence and understanding of what you learned last year.  You are tested on it and if you pass, move on to the next level.  In American Wicca, where people learn all they know from books and form groups based on their ideas of how it all should be, there is no experienced teacher to watch over  progress, to decide whether they are ready for the next phase of learning.  You do what feels right.

I have oversimplified in my use of American vs British Wicca here - there are American traditions that are well structured and have standards and teachers and there are British groups that don’t. I needed to find a way to differentiate between the two and this was the most obvious - no offence is intended to anyone.

What makes this worse is the prevalence of facebook groups set up by self-styled teachers.  They gain a following of other beginners and fill their pages with utter nonsense.  Any experienced person who comments on the misinformation finds their comments removed or that they are suddenly subjected to rants of “You don’t have to like my page” or “but every one is doing it” or “you’re so mean, why are you bullying me?”

No true or worthwhile teacher objects to being questioned.  They know that there is always something more to learn and those lessons can come from the most unexpected of places.

There is a growing trend among those more experienced people to sit back and let natural selection take it’s course.  The silly child who thinks that making memes of the facebook profiles of those who have questioned her and adding horrendous captions is “standing up for herself” and that it’s okay because “they started it”.  Mind you, the same silly child thinks that she’s been called by the Morrigan and that the Morrigan will give her strength and fight her battles for her.  Her page is somewhat inspired by/based on the ‘Sons of Morrigan’ which I’m told is from a game!  We can only pass around the popcorn and wait for the inevitable.

Even those who raise concern because they see where it is heading are treated as a troll.  This will end badly and all I can hope for is that her children get proper care when it does.  She may have the best intentions in the world, but that doesn’t make up for a lack of proper research and finding out what is right, rather than what *feels right*.

The Power of Words

Words have power.

Words can create beauty and they can destroy lives.

Words can heal a multitude of hurts and they can create a whole lot more.

“I’m sorry” or “I love you” in the right time and place can change the world for someone.  So can “thief”, “cheat” or “sexual predator”.

Most creation myths begin with words causing the universe to come into being and the naming of all things.  In Kabbalah, knowing and using the names of G!d gives you the power to overcome evil influences.  In Egyptian Legend, Aset (Isis) gained power over Ra by tricking him into telling her his true name. In Folklore, there is many a tale about the power of true names - think of the story of Rumplestiltskin for example.  Many a modern fantasy has had a side plot based around true names - not just of people, but of everything.

A newspaper headline can infer greatness or destroy a career.  A human interest article can draw attention to something worthy but overlooked.  A throwaway comment can ruin a public reputation.

There are people who spend their entire lives trying to justify other’s words with “what I think he really meant by that is” and lawyers who can play with words until not even the person who said it is really sure what they meant.

We know all of this.  I’m sure nothing I’ve said so far is a surprise to anyone.  But we have sayings like “it’s only words” and “sticks and stones” and “words are meaningless”.

Which is true?  Are they both true?  Is it a case of which words are used or overused?

NLP is based on the use of words and inflection on certain words.  Positive affirmations uses the right words repeatedly to create change within yourself and your world.  Bullying (especially cyber bullying) is the use of words to harm or belittle.

Is it the intent behind the words that gives them power?

Words change meanings.  Not just over a long period of time either.  I’ve had difficulty explaining to my seven year old daughter why the word “gay” means happy and joyful in the song she was singing, while my teenagers use it to describe something lame and stupid and others use it in place of homosexual.  How can one little word mean so many different things?  How do you explain this to a child who is just learning many of these words?

Dictionaries are no help.  Dictionaries can give you the historical meaning of a word, it’s roots and etymology.  They are also constantly changing to suit more modern and often colloquial usages.  The Urban Dictionary can be added to by anyone who cares to do so.

So many words mean different things to different people.  A witch is an ugly old hag, an evil sorceress and a practitioner of folk magic.  All are correct, but very different.  Your and you’re are used interchangeably (which is incorrect, but common).  I like to describe this as the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.  There, their and they’re are more that get muddled.  These are simple grammar rules that we should have learned early on in school.  Why is it so hard to get these words right?  The meanings of these words change depending on which one you use.

Knowing the power of words, many witches will tell you to take care with the way you word a spell or working.  Clarity is important, so is the intent behind the words.  But when you’re not in the midst of a working, words are still powerful and important.  When you have worked with magic and have some experience, you come to learn that the things you say in any setting can be powerful.  So why do so many throw words around like they mean nothing?  Why is it so hard to have integrity?  To say what you mean and mean what you say?

Bullies on the Interwebs

bul·ly [bool-ee]  noun, plural bul·lies, verb, bul·lied, bul·ly·ing, adjective, interjection

1.a blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who habitually badgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people.

2.Archaic . a man hired to do violence.

3.Obsolete . a pimp; procurer.

4.Obsolete . good friend; good fellow.

5.Obsolete . sweetheart; darling.

 

From Dictionary.com

 

Maybe I'm getting a bit old, and I know words have a tendency to change their meaning (check out the above - bully once meant positive things!!) but I'm struggling with the use of the word bully lately.

 

In my day, a bully was someone you were shit-scared of.  They'd beat you up for your lunch money, or make you do bad things to avoid a beating.  We had one at my school who certainly tried it, but as I was bigger than average, it never worked on me.  She even tried to intimidate my mother - and we're talking about a 12 year old girl here - that didn't work for her either.

 

Lately, on the social networking sites, especially facebook, it seems that a bully is someone who says something a little bit mean about you.  Or disagrees with you.  Or makes a blog post describing something you've done or said (with or without naming you).

 

Have we really become so thin-skinned that this kind of behaviour is bullying to us?  As a society, do we really expect everything and everyone to be all raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens?  Do we deal with a disagreement or being upset by something someone has said to us by whining "bully" at anyone who will listen?

 

Making a sock puppet with a similar name is not bullying.  It's taking the piss certainly, but how are you terrified of someone Gods only know where sitting at their computer screen making fun of you?

 

Making a parody page of your page is not bullying you.  It's taking the piss again.  If it increases your traffic, why is it such a problem?  And let's face it - that page is really funny.

 

Insulting people on a group and having them insult you back is not you being bullied, it's taking what you dished out.  If you don't like it, don't do it.

 

If someone calls you on plagiarism that has been posted on a page you admin, the smart thing to do is to remove it.  Bitching and moaning and whining doesn't fix the blatant law-breaking.  As the admin, it's your responsibility.  Starting a petition is even more childish by the way.  To then complain that the bullies are backing you into a corner and forcing you to restrict your page isn't fixing the problem either.  The problem is that you haven't removed an illegal post.  It's your own actions that have led to this.  No one is bullying you, my dear flake, you are doing wrong and consistently making things worse.

 

Seriously, how is a keyboard warrior a bully?  Are they sitting outside your house with a gun?  No they're sitting at their computer, probably miles away, and possibly even in another country - what can they really do to you that makes you so afraid of them?

 

Sadly though, the real bullying that there are many groups working against - the kids who are frequently assaulted in schools, or too afraid to go to school - this kind of thing is serious.  People who overuse and misuse a word belittle the real meaning behind it.  Bullying will become something that people just need to harden the fuck up about, and those in real danger from bullies (actual bullies, not just meanies on the net) will be ignored.  Is that something you really want on your conscience?  Because every time you describe someone being a bit mean to you as a bully, this is what you are creating.  

More Random Musings...

I tried to do a reading for a lady on the Saturday morning.  It just didn't flow.  The story wasn't there, and it didn't make sense to either of us.

So I tried again.  Same thing.

I said, I obviously just can't read for you. No charge, and I'm sorry.  Her mother came back from her wanderings at the time and had just had the same experience with two other readers.

My first reaction is always to doubt myself.  If I'm consistently in conflict, I take a step back to see if I'm the problem, so if I'm unable to do a reading, I take a step back to see if I'm just not tuned in today or if there is a fault with me.

The next two readings were (I was told by the clients) accurate to the point of being quite spooky.  So I got my answer.

I was talking to someone from a neighbouring stall later on in the day about this, and she shook her head at me and said "You should never doubt yourself dear."

Never?

Isn't this arrogance?  If I'm wrong, I'd like to be able to see it before it's a problem.  I will always look to myself first (unless I'm really really mad - then I don't look at anything).

I'm not saying I want or need constant validation - I got over that a while back, although validation is nice when it just happens, it's not something I need.  I'm always just a little cynical when it comes to Tarot reading, it's often so vague it could be about anyone, and I'm aware that some of my readings have been so vague and generalised that this could be the case, and when I'm not getting any other messages with it, I do wonder.

But to never doubt seems, well, I can't find the words for how it feels to me.  It makes me think of all the stallholders and lightworkers who impose their truth upon you and deliver lectures about how life is supposed to be according to them.  I'm sure their truths work for them, but they just piss me off.  If I ever turn into one of those prats, someone please shoot me.

Maybe that's it.  If I don't doubt myself, and do an internal integrity check now and then, I'm afraid I'll turn into one of them...

Random Musings After a Body Mind Spirit Festival

Twice a year, in Christchurch is the Body Mind Spirit Festival, a two day mega-expo, filled with stalls where you can find everything from crystals, healers, readers to Christian healing prayer to an audit from the Dianetics people to SAFE with petitions for free range animals.

We've been doing this festival for (I think) 7 years now, and we've seen a lot of changes come and go in that time, our expectations have changed and at the moment it's fun again.

The thing I like the most is talking with people, the new seekers just starting out and not sure which is the right book for them, or those who want a new Tarot deck and want to discuss the differences between what we have on offer.  Or those who think I'm going to agree with the shite they've just rabbited off about how ancient Wicca is, or tell me how brave I am being out there when we're still so terribly persecuted.

This weekend just gone was different.  I met one awesome couple who seem to be just like me!! (so of course they're awesome right? :p) the similarities in our beliefs was surprising for me who usually manages to find something to upset everyone.  What they called "peace, love and f**king mung beans" I refer to as "happy, sparkly moonbeams" but we were talking about the same people.

I met a lovely chap who has just started to learn about magic and witchcraft, but isn't sure which direction (high or low) he's headed in, he was intelligent, and it was refreshing to have someone who isn't going to take everything in a book as gospel and use his own common sense when reading things!

Then late on Sunday, I met a lady who reads this blog.  In all honesty, I was kinda gobsmacked.  While I know this blog is public, and I can see the analytics telling me how many people have seen each page, I still pretty much assumed that it was mostly my friends who read it, or people who know me to some extent - some of them to have something to bitch about behind my back - yes I do know that still goes on, and if I'm the most interesting thing you can find to talk about, how sad your life must be aye? Move on and grow up! - and some in support of me because they're the most awesome friends a girl can have, and some because they like the way I think, or find my rants familiar and amusing.  I'm apparently following in the footsteps of someone we know and love (or love to hate).

It made me think about how I use this blog.  For the most part, this is me thinking aloud.  I don't think I have very good communication with myself, and writing brings out the internal stuff that my conscious mind is often not even aware of.  This is how I process some events, or thoughts, and certainly not all of it gets published.  Sometimes I have a point to make, sometimes I'm just being a bitch (but hopefully a useful one).  I've been told that I'm too honest - not so much from a tactless point of view (although that has been raised from time to time too) but that when someone asks me what's going on, I'll tell them.  There are some things that I shouldn't share because someone will use them against me.

I've recently realised that in order to make people think about some of the idiocy they spout, you first have to piss them off.  If you politely and tactfully raise a point it will often be ignored.  Take Hone Harawira's recent stunt for example.  If he'd used nicer words, no one would have paid him any attention, but by saying something as offensive as he did, he drew attention to a point he was trying to make.  Love him or hate him (and there doesn't seem to be a middle ground) he's doing his job.

So for all the good people out there who aren't my friends who read this, if I do say something that offends, ask yourself why.  If I push a button, what do you need to learn about that button?  And thank you to the people who do read it and support it I'll try not to let it go to my head.  :)

But I would also like to especially thank Mist.  Not only does he read it, he usually comments.  Now he could tell me his thoughts privately but he chooses to do so publicly.  He thinks sideways from the way I do, and so I learn a lot from his observations and comments.

Blessings

Debbie

Cynicism and Negativity

I was at an expo recently, and I was having a chat with another stallholder about pagan groups.  She mentioned that she’s only just joined one.  I know the group that she’s talking about and for my own reasons I have nothing nice to say about them.  So instead of coming out with my reservations, I asked her how she found it, I mentioned that a few years ago that group did a ritual at our PaganFest and there were a few members who were quite toxic and put half our attendees off attending the ritual with their manner and behaviour.  Apparently the bulk of those toxic members have gone.

She asked me if I had a group and I said no, I don’t do groups any more.  We talked for a while about it, I said that groups can be great especially when you’re beginning as it’s a good way to get some confidence about what you’re doing, in the early days when you’re not sure about anything it provides some validation.  I also made the comment that where you have groups you have politics.  “That’s your opinion” she told me, but then went on to say that it happens in any group not just pagan ones, which had been my point.  She also told me that I was only expressing the negatives.

Huh?

I’d just given her both the pros and the cons of groups, but it seemed she only heard the negatives and yet I’m the negative person?

This isn’t the first time I’ve been called negative, it’s been happening quite a bit lately.  There was a discussion on a facebook group started by a small piece about what witches are.  One of the women commenting said that all the witches she’s met are kind and caring and accepting and all-round wonderful people.  I said we can’t have met many of the same witches as the nastiest, most destructive people I’ve met have also been witches. Witches are still people first with all the good and bad, beauty and failings that are in everyone, witches are no better or worse than everyone else, we just kid ourselves about it more.

I got called negative for this.  I disagreed and said it wasn’t negative, it was honest and realistic.  Others joined in to agree with me.

I thought about this blog, and how it’s mostly rants lately.  I don’t believe that they’re all negative, well some aren’t, but some are.  Mostly they’re my reaction to outright stupidity, and these people breed!!

I’m cynical, I freely admit that.  I made a decision a few years ago to see the good in people.  It came from the realisation that you recognise in others what you know.  Someone who only sees the bad in people is not usually a nice person, and some of the sweetest people I’ve met have only ever seen the good in others.  I wanted to see the good in people, as a way to improve myself.  You would not believe how often this has bitten me on the bum.  Choosing to see only the good or only the bad is unbalanced and naive.  No one is purely good or purely bad, we’re all a blend and shades of both in between.  Nothing is ever that clearly defined.

I’ve also found a lot of fantasy and delusion within the Pagan and Spiritual communities.  There are some people who’s philosophy on life is so light and fluffy that at times I wonder how they manage to tie their shoelaces, but I’m of the belief that if it’s not harming anyone (including themselves) and it makes them happy then that’s great.  Their life journey may be taking them somewhere different to mine.  Perhaps they’re making up for a dark and heavy past life, and in their next one they’ll be more balanced and walk a middle line.  The dilution of Paganism and the blend of New Age ideas has also contributed to this.

My cynicism has come from too many years in the Pagan Community.  I sometimes think I’ve seen and heard the best and the worst the community has to offer, and I really hope that’s the case, because I don’t want to imagine it any worse!  I’ve heard all sorts of grand claims and read books so filled with idiocy that they almost make me feel ill, but still people buy and then recommend them to others.  One of the latest such that I read through told the beginner that Wicca has been around for more than 25,000 years!!

Did you know that every x on your palm is all the times you’ve been burned at the stake in past lives? 

Or that this chap clearly remembers a past life from 600 years ago when he was working with Merlin at Stonehenge in Scotland. (Or sadly how many people find only one flaw with that statement).

Or this woman who likes to tell everyone that she’s got fairy blood because her Dad had an experience that he doesn’t remember that turned his hair pure white. 

Or this couple who frequently state that a 12 year old girl can be a Wiccan High Priestess. 

Or all the people who go on (especially at Christmas) about how those dirty Christians stole our holidays. 

Or the much respected High Priest who is frequently caught out lying or changing his story for community politics, can’t keep his mouth shut about things he should (and I don’t believe that it’s ever ok to laugh your tits off while telling people outside your coven how you turned someone down for second degree initiation because “she’d be a shit HPs”), and justifies telling a destructive person other people’s secrets with “there’s just something fun about her.”

Or the psychic/druid who needed me to do a house clearing because there was a draconian in the house, and draconians are masonic and masons and druids don’t mix.  (Google draconians and reptilians if you want a laugh)

Or the guy who was getting psychically attacked by everyone he stood up to and he had proof!

I have genuinely met all of these people.  Seriously. They all firmly believe these things, some are not so much in the realm of fluffy as dangerous - 12 year old HPs is a case of sexual misconduct if ever I heard one - and there is no way that anyone outside of your coven should ever hear any of your coven business.

I realise that after 10 years of running coffee meets and being involved in Pagan Festivals that I’ve put myself in a place where I do seem to attract an overly heavy dose of the flake factor (as one friend called it).  He was really surprised when I went through some of the people who have crossed my path and/or asked for my help over the years.  This is part of the reason I’ve stepped back from that, the other is, it’s thankless and draining and it’s about time someone else took over.  I’ve also met some wonderful people, ones who’ve become true friends or have inspired me.

Being cynical is my way of protecting myself.  Part of me wants to believe that everyone who comes to me is sincere and intelligent and has genuinely had this or that happen, but that’s never going to be the case.  I’m often not outwardly cynical, I’m mostly pleasant and understanding on the surface, but there are times that you should be glad that you can’t read my mind - especially those who tell me that they can, but should have at least flinched when I projected that at them mentally.  It’s too easy to test sweetie, stop kidding yourself - because what I do express when I choose to express my cynicism is nothing compared to what can go on inside.

I did go back to the first lady and tell her she’d given me a few things to think about.  She beamed in that way so many lightworkers do when they think they’ve helped you learn a life lesson.  What I learned is where she is up to on her path.  She told me she understood why I was probably cynical, but I need to let go of the negatives and just focus on the positives.  I could see that telling her how superficial, unbalanced and unhealthy that would be was going to be a colossal waste of my time, and she wouldn’t get it yet.

What a lot of beginners don’t realise is that it’s not all sweetness and light, it’s not happy sparkly moonbeams and unicorns pissing rainbows.  There is a dark side.  And it’s you.  Any genuine spiritual journey is a journey of self-discovery, and there are dark parts of our souls that society teaches us we should hide from the world.  In Modern Magic by Schele de Vere, he talks about how any true ecstatic moment reached by a mystic is followed by depression and despondency.  Aleister Crowley talks about the Long Dark Night of the Soul, Kabballah students find themselves experiencing the vices, virtues and obligations of each sephiroth.  All the myths and legends that touch on the mysteries involve a descent into the underworld.  For the journey to be an honest one, you need the balance of the negative as well as the positive.

Since I originally wrote this piece, I felt that putting it up on my blog would somehow be wrong.  I felt as though I’m touching on secrets that the average beginner or seeker isn’t ready for.  Since then I’ve read a couple of books (yes they were small ones but well worth the read) that made the same points.  There was also a friend on facebook asking for advice about the BBD (big black dog - another name for depression) and I made the comment that it’s part of any true spiritual journey, it’s the balance and noticed that the friend said that since she stopped medicating her BBD, she has high points and an appreciation for the beautiful things in life that was lacking when she was taking the ‘happy’ pills.  Another friend who I consider to be a very spiritual person commented that when you accept the low times as a part of life then they pass more quickly, and they have something to teach you while they’re there.  It’s not about removing them, it’s about understanding them.

I’m not negative for expressing both sides of the story, I’m doing my best to maintain a balance.