Publishing My Book

As some of you may know, I've been working on a book for the last few months.  I think the bulk of it was written in a very short period of time.  I've added to it, deleted bits and now seem to spend most of my time re-reading, editing and tweaking with it.  I think it's time for me to pass it on to Luana to proof-read and edit before I mess the whole thing up. 

I considered trying a crowd sourcing campaign to pay for the publishing of my book.  I've got it pretty much finished and I've chosen to self-publish.  The self-publishing choice has come about for a number of reasons - I saw a friend publish a book through ECW quite a few years ago and I saw her heartbreak when she had no say in the fonts, cover art or even the title of her book.  I am not interested in giving up that kind of control, I don't even like it when an editor changes a few words.  I also struggle with where to send my book if I was going to submit it to a big publishing house.  Llewellyn might take it, but have such an auto-fluffy label with serious pagans that while I may have a book selling lots, my name would be banded together with the likes of others that I do not wish to be associated with.  I don't believe I'm scholarly enough for Avalonia.  Print on demand seems like the best option, that way, if I only sell a few to good friends, then there aren't several hundred books floating around looking for their way to the bargain bin.

My best self-publishing option costs approximately $1,000 NZD.  I made jokes about giving my first 10 copies (signed with a personal message) to anyone willing to buy it for $100 (first edition and all).  I thought perhaps trying the crowd sourcing would give me an indication of whether or not people would be willing to buy my book, it would potentially show interest (or lack thereof).  Thing is, I might buy a book, but wouldn't contribute to the concept of a book in a crowd sourcing campaign.  If not enough people contributed, I would make the assumption that no one wanted my book and probably can it with no further thought.

I put it out there to the Universe and my Deities.  If this book is meant to be, I need the money to publish it.  If the money comes through, I'll give up smoking. (There I've finally said it publicly, so lots of you can hold me to it).  The next day, I received $10 for some of my writing.  That felt like a message.  I need to work harder to increase that amount (I'm now seeing $10 every month) but it feels less like a handout and more like inspiration.  That source has currently gone offline (again!) so something else was needed.

Something else has happened.  We sold our other house, currently we're between it going unconditional and possession by the new owner.  There will be some left over after mortgages and debts are sorted.  My husband subjected me to a fierce grilling about my options, what I've looked into and given me the go ahead to use some of the proceeds to publish my book.

I've been talking about it to some people, so far to positive responses and hands up to please get one when it is published. But I'm starting to doubt.  I am starting to second guess it all and feel that it's a naive and superficial work instead of the common sense, stripped down, mechanics of folk magic book that it is intended to be.

Crowd Sourcing

Lately it seems that crowd sourcing is the way to go if you want to get a project off the ground.  I've heard of several and wish at the moment that I had more disposable income so that I could contribute towards one of these worthy causes.

Well, I say worthy, but one of the first times I ever heard of this type of thing was when pagan blogger Star Foster tried to convince the world that we needed to pay her to write her blog. That fell rather flat and since then Star has decided she's not Pagan after all and appears to have given up blogging.  I'd never heard of Star before this, although, I've since heard plenty and little of it nice.

But then another person I have come to know first through her books and then online in groups where we are both members is Tamara L. Siuda.  Also known as Her Holiness Hekatawy I of the Kemetic Orthodox faith and Mambo Chita Tann of Haitian Vodou. 

I love Tamara's works in Egyptology.  I've been following them for many years.  It's her work we refer back to for the Egyptian festivals in our calendars.  So when I heard of her Ancient Egyptian Daybook as a kickstarter project, I shared it all around.

Another online friend, Houngan Matt is using Indiegogo to fund a shop opening with two friends. 

And a subject dear to my heart is where does the money we donate to disaster relief actually go to.

I've been looking through the Kickstarter and Indiegogo websites and notice that for the most part searches for "pagan", "wicca" or "witchcraft" show very few projects and those were mostly unfunded when they reached their time limits.

Each project has rewards or perks for those who pledge money.  Some are pathetic (undying gratitude and a personal letter) and some are truly fantastic (mention in movie credits or a fully paid trip to meet people).  Perhaps this is one difference between success and failure, well that and whether the cause is actually worth donating money to.

Star Foster's campaign finished without coming close to her goal.

Tamara Siuda's campaign raised more than $14K more than her goal, in fact reaching two of her stretch goals - 50 Daybooks to be sent to 50 libraries of the backer's choices and a special edition coil bound DayBook for backer's rewards.

Houngan Matt's campaign is still running and as of today, is nearly at a quarter of it's goal with over three weeks left to run.  The rewards are great, check it out.

The Relief Project still has a long way to go and if you're not sure about this, 50% of all readings from KiwiMojo during this campaign will be donated to this cause.

This is community.  Let's work together for stuff instead of complaining about what we don't have.

Cauldrons PaganFest 2014

We're all go!

We are returning to Journey's End, the venue for our first festival in 2009.  It is a little more primitive than Eyre Lodge where we held the two in between, but it's half the price, the managers are actually sensible and even respond to communications (without trying to say it must be a fault with MY email) and it is by far a more beautiful setting, with no concerns about having sheep wander into ritual space.

Houngan Liam (Papresse Soulage Minfo Edeyo Bon Hougan) with Hounfo Racine Deesse Dereeyale - the only traditional Haitian Vodou society in the Australasian region will be presenting our Saturday night ritual, as well as an Ancestor Workshop and a Vodou 101 talk.  More information about them can be found on their website - KiwiMojo

Why Vodou this year?  I hear a lot of comments regarding Vodou, usually suggesting that it's something dark and evil.  I know this to be untrue, but in New Zealand there is so little exposure to Vodou, there are few opportunities for us to learn the true nature of this beautiful and rich tradition. I became friends on Facebook with Houngan Liam and thought I'd offer the chance for more people in New Zealand to become aware of what it truly entails, to experience the richness of the religion and to  have any questions answered by Houngan who really know what they're talking about.

Many of you were asking about the PaganFest last year and it's true, we did skip a year.  This is because I got married and one big event to plan in a year was quite enough thankyouverymuch.  Although, after three Pagan Festivals, a wedding was easy.

For more information, check out our website and join our facebook page where there are already discussions about transport and car pooling going on.

Trying to Find the Positives

I looked over this blog yesterday, just after I’d posted the Bitchcraft rant.  I realised that I’m ranting a lot.  There is a lot about our community at the moment that saddens me, that disappoints me, that irritates me and rubs me up the wrong way.

So I looked around to try and find something useful and positive to write about.  NOT the copy and paste or shared nauseating memes and “inspirational” quotes that flood social media.  Something that I could call genuinely positive in our ‘community’.

It was hard to find anything. 

In one group about a Festival coming up, there was an offer of a Gnostic Mass by the OTO.  That had potential as a positive, but freakouts and assumptions followed - based on “she might have her tits out and we’re a family-friendly thing”.  I find that sad for a group that claims to be so open to anything.  Not to mention the foot-stomping by someone who claims to have stepped back from that festival and has only attended one in several years.

I saw a flounce and denunciations of negativity from another group after someone thought they were doing a public service, but didn’t read the group rules of how to go about it.  They were informed politely that this was how it was supposed to be done, but apparently, a link to something Maxine Sanders has done overrides all group rules.

I saw a tantrum (followed by wildly inaccurate justifications) from a supposed elder after being caught out doing something silly.

I saw plagiarism and associated threats (drama optional).

I saw another inaccurate representation of a community service I was involved with years ago - from the person who decided her own unrealistic and bigoted standards were more important than community.

I saw intelligent discussion of a community issue descend into pointless name-calling and abuse.

I heard about adventures at Pantheacon - a large American Pagan Convention (as far as I can tell) that was mostly stories about they dealt with or avoided some of the challenging twits who come along.

The useful and positive things I have heard about this week have come from phone calls with friends.  One is doing a wonderful service to another in a magical setting, but being the person he is, it’s all kept quiet.  In doing this service to her, he is also getting wonderful service from her as I know he feels isolated magically as well as geographically.

I saw a man I respect handle a difficult situation with more grace and honour than the situation deserved.  Although, again this was kept private.

Why is it that the truly useful and positive things are so hidden?  Humility from those who genuinely do these things may be some of it, but others who know also keep their mouths shut.

Could it be that too many others would step in and taint it with their accusations of ulterior motives?  That they would twist and warp a positive thing until it seems sinister.  I know such things happen, I’ve been on the receiving end of it often enough.

Is ‘Tall Poppy Syndrome’ so bad that we have to hide our lights out of fear that we’d be knocked down next?

Is the fault with me?  Is it that I don’t see the small positives that are going on all around?  Do I only see the negative, the nasty and the disheartening because that’s what I’m expecting to see?

Right now, this whole thing makes me feel old and tired and sad.

 

Bitchcraft

In the past week, I've seen two separate instances of a well-known personality within our community being discussed, usually in a derisive manner.

The first was that New Zealand's own special little snowflake crazy man has been doing some name dropping or something like that - not sure on the details.  Anyway, when Raymond Buckland has a facebook status denying any connection with him and that he doesn't in fact know either of these people (one a real name, one a pseudonym - both the same person) well, news like this does the rounds.

At first the comments were sniggers and giggles.  Then a few newer people to the community asked a few questions about the person in question and the stories started to come out.

It was suggested by a couple of people that really, perhaps his doings were none of our business and we should leave him alone.  But when his behaviour includes pushing drugs on others attending workshops, targeted email abuse and threats of physical violence (he was going to come and cut my head off at one stage) - then it *is* our business.  That's not counting the consistent clueless attacks all over the internet on everyone who doesn't follow his own created path.

Then today, I see that someone has unfriended someone else.  She then felt a need to tell us all about the fact that she'd unfriended him, that she doesn't like what he posts to his blog and provide a link to one of his blogposts. There was a long line of people commenting on how much of an arse he is and a bully and mentally deranged and on it went.

Now, I agree, at times, he can be an arse, he can be extremely intense and most people find that hard to deal with and when he gets passionate about something, the words begin to fly.  There are times when reading his blog that I do get a mental picture of him frothing at the mouth as he's typing.

But.

There is usually a point and a valid one at that.  I've learned that to get through to people you often have to upset them first - just to get their attention.  As one of my friends says in Tarot readings:

The Truth might set you free, but it will piss you off first!

The polite people may have something of value to say, but they get drowned out, overlooked and ignored.

I called it as I saw it.  Great that she'd made the grown up choice to unfriend him, but to start a discussion where everyone was bagging him where he was unable to see and respond was childish in the extreme.  She believes that she is providing a public service -  

"I feel ethically bound to warn people about him because of many reasons, which I will not list because then it becomes a legal issue."  

Or in other words, I'm going to tell you all to keep away from this chap, but not the real reasons why.  She goes on to describe him as a cyberbully and suggests all sorts of ulterior motives for those times when he is nice or helpful.

I've said it before, I'll say it again.  I really must have a different definition of cyberbully to damn near everyone else.  I've seen cyberbullying in action, a friend of my daughters who was getting constant text messages that say things like:

Ur a stupid ugly bitch, u don't deserve anything u have nd especially not ur boyfriend. Ur a cheating slut that shouldn't even be alive, go slit ur damn wrists nd bleed to death we don't need or want u around. Just fucking die stupid whore. People only pay for u cause the good prostitute's r taken.

This is cyberbullying, I believe it was taken to the Police and rightly so.  Expressing an unpopular opinion that hurts your feelings is not the same, it's not even remotely the same. And this is coming from alleged adults!

Why have I used these two examples?  The first one is crazy, he is dangerous, he fits much of the Advanced Bonewits Cult Danger Evaluation Frame and I for one find that a real cause for concern.  The second one says mean things on his blog.

And yet they both got the same treatment.  You would think from reading about the second that he was just as crazy as the first.  

I got a notification to say I'd been mentioned in a comment, but had no access to see this comment.  At the same time, I get a notification of a private message from that person.  It's terribly polite explaining that she's felt the need to unfriend me because ethically she can't have anyone who is friends with him or defends him on her friends list.

Just a note, I didn't defend him or his actions.  I clarified a situation where people thought I was making assumptions about the material, where in fact I knew more than they did.  I did say that I was less than impressed that everyone was jumping on the bandwagon to stick a sneaky boot in where they couldn't be seen.

I queried that notification about a comment that I can't see and got a rushed explanation.  A mutual friend tells me the entire discussion then disappeared.  Seems it was my turn, although as I said to her, I hoped I was wrong as she'd raised ethics.

What followed was an incoherent bunch of stuff about how she'd gotten lots of private messages from people who actually are scared of him and that she was putting herself at great risk by saying things in public.  But these people clearly knew more than I did and knew what he was capable of, but she couldn't actually say anymore than that, other than she believed them.

What a load of shit.

If there is something potentially dangerous about a person, you contact the authorities.  You don't hint and backbite on facebook.  The comments on that thread were mostly along the line of "I'll only tell him to leave once, after that I'll make him." Now those are the words of people who are genuinely frightened of someone?

Worse still, these are all people who have been in the Pagan and Magical scene for "a whole lot longer than me".  So if he's such a problem, do something about it!  Are you witches and magicians or are you a bunch of poseurs talking yourselves up?  Is it that really, you know that your vague suggestions of danger are all hearsay and chinese whispers and that doing a little malefica would backfire?  If you're all that and a bag of chips, there would be no need to whisper and insinuate but "say no more than that because there'd be legal ramifications".  There would only be legal ramifications if it's untrue. 

One of the complaints was about the way he speaks to beginners.  He's full on and harsh.  Yep, I agree, but on reflection, maybe that's not a bad thing.  He's open to beginners who have a brain and are willing to do some work for themselves rather than expect everything that others have worked hard to understand to be handed to them on a silver platter.

Should we be sugarcoating everything for beginners?  I'm starting to think that this may be where many of the problems within our community have come from.  Beginners start out with everyone giving them the "love, light and unicorns that fart rainbows" information.  When they start to find out that it's work, that it's not just easy and positive thinking they then reject that as "not my thing" but feel that they've been doing this long enough to know what they're talking about.

Between the backbiting and the fluffies, it's no wonder that this community is so dysfunctional.

Unverifiable Personal Gnosis

Unverifiable Personal Gnosis -

"Unverified personal gnosis (often abbreviated UPG) is the phenomenological concept that an individual's spiritual insights (or gnosis) may be valid for them without being generalizable to the experience of others. It is primarily a neologism used in polytheistic reconstructionism, to differentiate it from ancient sources of spiritual practices."

Thanks Wikipedia. You summed it up better than I could.

Basically, stuff you know through spiritual experience is your truth and cannot be applied to anyone else.  Nor can you verify or validate this knowledge to/for others. It becomes an article of faith.

UPG is well known and somewhat accepted in Pagan circles, or rather, some Pagan circles.  But with some of what people are coming out with, there has been discussion regarding how much is UPG and how much is MUS (Made Up Shit) and how can we tell the difference.

For the most part, I have accepted UPG, although I have become fairly cynical about some of it.  A lot of whether I accept it or not has come from the rest of the behaviour of the person who is relating it.  One friend has chosen to not say anything negative at all.  She's stuck to that for over a year (that I've seen).  This doesn't mean that she's become one of those daft people who take everything at face value and spout so much "positive influence" crap all the time - that very quickly becomes nauseating - however, she expresses her positivity and rejection of negativity in a far healthier way.

But I do wonder, at what point do we call Bullshit?

I recently bought a book filled with prayers and incantations from an ancient culture.  That part is wonderful.  However, the book also contains a modern form of practise that has been changed to suit the author.  She says she knows that this is okay because she consulted the Gods concerned and received answers through divination and oracles.

I understand that this may have been the practise that created many of the traditions that we have today - oracles and divination I mean.  I understand that it is purely personal choice whether to follow this method of doing things too.  But this author is also the head of the modern form of this faith - her UPG is now the accepted method of doing things for thousands of followers.

Can you see my issue?

Can it still be called UPG when it has become something not so much personal as dogmatic?

What about when someone is teaching others things that are diametrically opposed to traditional knowledge?  Those things that have come from history, mythology and traditions.  Is this automatically bullshit or just a different view, could it be that this Divinity has chosen to show a completely different face or form of expression to that person?  Either way, should that person be teaching this to others?

This comes full circle back to the first example.  Can or should you teach your UPG to others?  Or rather, should you be presenting your UPG as fact?

I don't believe it's the right thing to do.  If it's what is happening, then a precursor of "This is my experience, it's not necessarily true for everyone else" is essential for complete honesty.  Mind you, that's at the start of many things I do anyway.

My Goddess Wants...

These two statements recently came up together on a facebook discussion:

" I believe my Goddess wants me to be happy & kind to others. 

Life is full of problems, isn't the magic about overcoming them together?"

 

 I'm afraid this left me somewhat gobsmacked.  Really?  What kind of person seriously believes this?  

Let's break it down into the two separate statements - Firstly "My Goddess wants me to be happy and kind to others."

Gods and Goddesses have absolutely zero track record of this kind of behaviour.  The normal 'wants' (as far as we can claim to know Their minds) is more about wanting you to be the best person you can be so that you may better serve Them.  Your happiness is usually quite low on the list.

The way growth is achieved is more through trials and tribulations.  Tests, obstacles, difficulties and personal challenges.  It is only through adversity that we truly find out what we're capable of.  How does being happy and kind fit into this?

These statements, it must be explained, came after this lady had told us off for not being nice to someone who was making grand claims and then refusing to back them up with anything.  Side note: If you claim lineage or to be in a tradition, expect to get asked for validation.  Normally anyone who refuses to validate their lineage is talking shit.  Most frauds are harmless, attention-seeking drama queens but there is always the odd one or two who are a bit more dangerous than that.  This is why they are questioned rather than the eyeroll and polite ignore that they would otherwise get.

Being kind and being nice are not the same thing. 

I raised it for further discussion in the same group.  The closest anyone came to suggesting a God or Goddess that may fit the bill was Quan Yin - that She wanted folks to attain enlightenment to minimise suffering.  This isn't the same as being "happy and kind".  Achieving enlightenment isn't normally an easy or passive road.  The wisdom that points toward enlightenment comes from overcoming difficulty and learning the hard lessons that life presents.  Real life that is, not the pretty pictures with lovely poems about wonderful positivity that abound on pagan groups and pages.

 I call bullshit that this lady has had any kind of genuine communication with "her Goddess" at all.  It smacks to me of a fantasy-based delusion about what she wants to hear.

Now to the second statement - "isn't the magic about overcoming them together?"

Magic is the art and science of creating change in accordance with will.  That's it.  Anything above or beyond that is purely personal and subjective.  Magic is a tool used to achieve the ends you want.  There is magic in a sunrise, in a newborn baby, in raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens. But that's more a turn of phrase than "the magic" that is normally used in a specifically Pagan and Wiccan forum.

I have too much to do with my own life and magical practice to a) give a flying fuck for the opinions of random strangers on the internet and b) waste any of my time working to fix the problems of said random strangers.

This may sound rather selfish and I guess on some levels it is.  But it's come from some of the wisdom I learned when I was more available to random strangers.  The random strangers who would ring me up and take up hours and hours of my time with their "magical problems".  This was my time with my children or partner.  This was not something they paid me for or even (with one exception) appreciated at all.  I tried and tried to get through to one chap and he wouldn't listen to a damn thing I told him.  He'd twist what I said around to make it fit what he wanted to hear - even when I'd said the complete opposite.  He didn't want me to help him, he wanted me to validate his interpretation of events.  Another received the same advice from another public and available witch as he did from me, that didn't stop him, he went to several psychics and finally listened when he'd paid someone for their time and still got the same advice!

I've also had this behaviour from people who called themselves my friends.  So yeah, to paraphrase a saying from Christianity - The Gods help those who help themselves.  

Grow up and sort your own shit out. 

 

Edited to Add:

A further discussion has led to some other comments that I think are worth adding to this post.

I'm not saying that being "happy and kind" and "having trials and tribulations" are mutually exclusive.  Often the Gods have a different idea of what you need to be happy than you do - after overcoming the testings, you often find a different truer happiness than you previously expected.

I took the original meaning from the lady who said it to be as though the Gods were like your servants, existing to smooth obstacles from your path and make you comfortable in every way.

A further comment was made that a God/dess that didn't want your happiness wasn't one worth worshipping.  I don't worship the Gods, I serve them.  There is a difference!