I tried to do a reading for a lady on the Saturday morning. It just didn't flow. The story wasn't there, and it didn't make sense to either of us.
So I tried again. Same thing.
I said, I obviously just can't read for you. No charge, and I'm sorry. Her mother came back from her wanderings at the time and had just had the same experience with two other readers.
My first reaction is always to doubt myself. If I'm consistently in conflict, I take a step back to see if I'm the problem, so if I'm unable to do a reading, I take a step back to see if I'm just not tuned in today or if there is a fault with me.
The next two readings were (I was told by the clients) accurate to the point of being quite spooky. So I got my answer.
I was talking to someone from a neighbouring stall later on in the day about this, and she shook her head at me and said "You should never doubt yourself dear."
Isn't this arrogance? If I'm wrong, I'd like to be able to see it before it's a problem. I will always look to myself first (unless I'm really really mad - then I don't look at anything).
I'm not saying I want or need constant validation - I got over that a while back, although validation is nice when it just happens, it's not something I need. I'm always just a little cynical when it comes to Tarot reading, it's often so vague it could be about anyone, and I'm aware that some of my readings have been so vague and generalised that this could be the case, and when I'm not getting any other messages with it, I do wonder.
But to never doubt seems, well, I can't find the words for how it feels to me. It makes me think of all the stallholders and lightworkers who impose their truth upon you and deliver lectures about how life is supposed to be according to them. I'm sure their truths work for them, but they just piss me off. If I ever turn into one of those prats, someone please shoot me.
Maybe that's it. If I don't doubt myself, and do an internal integrity check now and then, I'm afraid I'll turn into one of them...