Yesterday was the Autumn Equinox. I haven't really done much to celebrate it over the last few years as it's quite a busy time for me. As it is a harvest festival, I'm usually flat out preserving my crop to keep it over the next year. This year hasn't really been too different, although my garden has been mostly neglected during our horrendously hot and oppressive summer. I'm well known amongst friends and family for this, so I am also often the recipient of their overflows and have been given a lot of fruit to work my magic on.
This year however, the Equinox fell almost a week after the shootings in Christchurch. A far right, fascist, anti-immigration lunatic shot up two mosques killing 50 Muslims at prayer and wounding 50 more.
His hateful reaping however, harvested something truly amazing. The outpouring of love from Christchurch people, from New Zealanders and from the rest of the world has been awe-inspiring and overwhelming.
Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a contrary person. I am naive and always wanting to believe the best of people while also being a cynical old bitch. So while I hoped for a positive response, I expected the opposite. So the response from people everywhere has left me hiding away from people while I cry often. Those tears aren't fear or an inability to cope with my city being changed again and while there's still sadness for the tragedy, mostly my tears are about people being better than I'd given them credit for.
I'm in awe at the messages of love and support. I'm in awe of the strength of our Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern and her grace in handling this. I'm in awe of the opposition parties in our Government pulling their heads in and supporting our PM. I'm in awe of the actions ordinary people are taking the world over because of this event. I have never seen the goodness in people shine through on such a massive scale and I don't know how to adjust to it. I am in awe of the constant vigils, the markers of respect and support (I think our florists nationwide have run out of flowers repeatedly) and the turnout of people attending these events. I am in awe of our gangs, previously violent rivals, coming together, putting their differences aside to stand in support of the Muslim community. I am in awe of our Police force and emergency services for their hard work and incredible strength.
So this year, my Autumn Equinox celebration is one of genuine thanksgiving and gratitude.
I am grateful that I was wrong about people in general and give thanks that I was wrong.
I am grateful that I live in a place where this is how we react to things like this.
I am guiltily thankful that my family were safe although I can't say that anyone is unaffected by it.
I am grateful that for the most part, this has caused a huge shift in what ordinary people will and won't tolerate with regards to casual racism and hate speech.
I am grateful that our Government has used common sense in tightening up gun laws and gun licensing and done it quickly.
I am grateful that as a nation, we're being held up as a beacon of sense and respect by the rest of the world.
I am grateful.
Blessings
Debbie
Friday 22 March 2019
Thursday 7 March 2019
Self-examination and Doubt
Every so often, I get to wondering about the magic I have performed.
I wonder if the results I have gotten are real. Rather, I wonder if my actions and spells worked have had any effect at all to achieve the results that have occurred. I wonder if the ending would have been the same whether I did anything or not. Do I do these things as a way to fool myself that I'm actually doing anything useful? Am I using confirmation bias to justify the things I do?
Then I wonder if the results happen the way I wanted them, does it matter?
I am a firm believer in brutal self-honesty. I believe most magical journeys will include some aspect of this if the practitioner is to grow as a person, to be fair, most life journeys need this if anyone is to grow as a person.
The times when we look back over past events and ask ourselves how we could have done things differently, take responsibility for the times when we cast ourselves in the role of victim instead of perpetrator and the times when we realise that perhaps our own poor choices led us up that sorry path to an unpleasant event in our lives. Equally, it is important to recognise when things weren't your fault, when there was nothing useful you could have done and to forgive yourself for what you think you should have done but didn't.
There seems to be a popular idea that you should just let everything go, forget about it and move on. I dislike this concept intensely. It gives no closure, it gives no opportunity to learn from your mistakes or even to recognise that you made them and it gives no chance for you to grow into a better you.
The down side to doing this kind of work on yourself is that it can lead to doubts. Doubt in your abilities, doubt in your sense of self-worth and doubt in everything about yourself. As I started this talking about magic, let's also add doubt in your ability to create change in the world and perform successful magic.
Doubt is the magic killer.
Like the Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear from the Dune series by Frank Herbert, doubt is destruction. For those unfamiliar with this classic work of science fiction:
Doubt is the magic killer. Doubt eats at your confidence to achieve results, doubt eats away at your purpose until the suggestions doubt makes replace your purpose. This isn't usually a conscious thing, this is the "what ifs" taking over. Doubt is failure. Facing your doubts and freeing yourself from doubts isn't necessarily as easy as allowing them to pass over and through you.
When I have a bout of self-examination and exploring past events I usually focus on the things that went wrong. The catastrophic and painful. I often forget about or gloss over my successes. This is where doubt is able to creep in.
Look equally at what went well. What do you think you did that made this event a success? How can you build that into more successes? Can you reasonably expect that to work again or will it need some tweaking to continue the momentum?
They don't have to be big successes. Some will seem like small ones until you weigh up what the opposite effect would have been. Any success is as valuable and equally a learning opportunity just as much as a mistake would have been.
So when I'm in my "what if all my magic is me using superstition to fool myself that I make a difference" headspace, I remember the time that every car in my street was broken into and siphoned for petrol except mine, which I'd foolishly left unlocked in my driveway overnight. I remember when a stalker suddenly seemed to forget about me altogether. I remember when a friend's father who was not expected to last the week surprised the medical staff in the hospital by getting well and is still going strong months later.
It genuinely might be purely coincidence, I accept that. But I got the results I wanted so does it matter?
Blessings
Debbie
I wonder if the results I have gotten are real. Rather, I wonder if my actions and spells worked have had any effect at all to achieve the results that have occurred. I wonder if the ending would have been the same whether I did anything or not. Do I do these things as a way to fool myself that I'm actually doing anything useful? Am I using confirmation bias to justify the things I do?
Then I wonder if the results happen the way I wanted them, does it matter?
I am a firm believer in brutal self-honesty. I believe most magical journeys will include some aspect of this if the practitioner is to grow as a person, to be fair, most life journeys need this if anyone is to grow as a person.
The times when we look back over past events and ask ourselves how we could have done things differently, take responsibility for the times when we cast ourselves in the role of victim instead of perpetrator and the times when we realise that perhaps our own poor choices led us up that sorry path to an unpleasant event in our lives. Equally, it is important to recognise when things weren't your fault, when there was nothing useful you could have done and to forgive yourself for what you think you should have done but didn't.
There seems to be a popular idea that you should just let everything go, forget about it and move on. I dislike this concept intensely. It gives no closure, it gives no opportunity to learn from your mistakes or even to recognise that you made them and it gives no chance for you to grow into a better you.
The down side to doing this kind of work on yourself is that it can lead to doubts. Doubt in your abilities, doubt in your sense of self-worth and doubt in everything about yourself. As I started this talking about magic, let's also add doubt in your ability to create change in the world and perform successful magic.
Doubt is the magic killer.
Like the Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear from the Dune series by Frank Herbert, doubt is destruction. For those unfamiliar with this classic work of science fiction:
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.As an affirmation or mantra, this is not particularly useful. Fear is the main concept focused on and emphasised and this will build fear. So I'm not suggesting that this be reworded to use doubt instead of fear. But the way fear is talked about in this quote is useful for discussion purposes.
Doubt is the magic killer. Doubt eats at your confidence to achieve results, doubt eats away at your purpose until the suggestions doubt makes replace your purpose. This isn't usually a conscious thing, this is the "what ifs" taking over. Doubt is failure. Facing your doubts and freeing yourself from doubts isn't necessarily as easy as allowing them to pass over and through you.
When I have a bout of self-examination and exploring past events I usually focus on the things that went wrong. The catastrophic and painful. I often forget about or gloss over my successes. This is where doubt is able to creep in.
Look equally at what went well. What do you think you did that made this event a success? How can you build that into more successes? Can you reasonably expect that to work again or will it need some tweaking to continue the momentum?
They don't have to be big successes. Some will seem like small ones until you weigh up what the opposite effect would have been. Any success is as valuable and equally a learning opportunity just as much as a mistake would have been.
So when I'm in my "what if all my magic is me using superstition to fool myself that I make a difference" headspace, I remember the time that every car in my street was broken into and siphoned for petrol except mine, which I'd foolishly left unlocked in my driveway overnight. I remember when a stalker suddenly seemed to forget about me altogether. I remember when a friend's father who was not expected to last the week surprised the medical staff in the hospital by getting well and is still going strong months later.
It genuinely might be purely coincidence, I accept that. But I got the results I wanted so does it matter?
Blessings
Debbie
Saturday 16 February 2019
I am Grumpy.
Very grumpy.
I had noticed that a couple of my facebook groups were missing from my feed. I wasn't overly active in either group so it wasn't a big deal, but I was bored so I went looking for them. I couldn't find them at all. I hadn't just been booted from the groups, I had also been blocked.
That's not something you could say was a facebook glitch, that requires someone to go out of their way to tick a few boxes.
As I had been more of a lurker than someone who comments anything controversial in both of these groups, I was more confused. I couldn't have said anything that upset anyone, since I hadn't said anything at all in either group for weeks.
I reached out to one of the admins from one of the groups to find out why. I wasn't certain if I cared enough to rejoin the group, but I was curious about my removal.
That admin did some digging and came back to tell me I had some haters that claimed I was trying to shut down groups. I was banned and blocked because of that, without anyone coming to ask me what the story was. She went on to ask if I'd heard of a certain person, let's call her Ms W, who was the second in command in a very large group. I had never heard of Ms W and I have had nothing whatsoever to do with that group since the previous (late) owner went on a massive power trip and spent a lot of time and energy hunting down people by their associations and trying to have them banned from everywhere.
She told me that Ms W had posted all about me in a group specifically for admins and mods of pagan groups. I admin several pagan groups, I applied to join.
I was accepted and fairly quickly found the post. Up to that point, I had assumed that I was only one of the accused and that it was really about a plagiarism and copyright theft watchdog group I'm a member of. Apparently it wasn't. The post started with my profile picture, a link to my profile page, claims that I got a group or two shut down by reporting copyright violations and warnings to be careful of me.
Now if I'd done it, I wouldn't have an issue. Shit yeah, boot me for standing up for the authors who you are stealing from, you miserable pieces of filth. I'd be owning it and damned proud.
But I didn't.
I only heard of these groups after they'd been shut down.
The first came to my attention when someone in one of my groups asked if anyone knew what had happened to it. I went looking and found a new incarnation (the third as it turns out). I went back and shared the link with the person who'd been looking.
Another friend was already in this new incarnation of the group and they sent me screenshots of their files section. Eight pages of screenshots. The files section contained lots and lots of pdf copies of books that were still under copyright.
So I passed this on to the watchdog group. There are plenty of authors and people from publishers in there. If they saw their work, they could request its removal and report it if that didn't happen. My part was done.
A lot of people don't seem to understand that only the copyright owner can take action of any kind. They are the only person who has the right and ability to say "this is mine and you do not have permission to be distributing it". They are the only person who can file a report for copyright violations, on facebook and anywhere else on the internet. They are the only person who can file a DMCA and have a website taken down.
For me to report copyright violations, it would have to be all my own work. I have written only one book and had one piece included in an anthology.
It takes more than one report for facebook to take action like this. It takes multiple reports before they'll look closer and decide you're clearly a problem and repeat offender.
Through circumstances in which I was merely a spectator, the files in the new group were removed. Great. Issue resolved.
The other group only came to my attention when someone posted about them in the watchdog group. The owner of the second group was a member of the watchdog group and was called out about his so called Library. He made his group secret and blocked the admins of the watchdog group. This got him booted from the group. But not before he'd gone through the entire membership of that group and individually blocked all the members.
Well, he must have missed some because I know of at least one who is still in his group. I've seen more screenshots of the paranoia he's taken to the new group, individually interviewing each new member before they're allowed in.
So here are two groups that I apparently had shut down by reporting copyright theft to facebook. Copyrights I had no right or ability to report. Groups I had no knowledge of and had never heard of until after they'd been reported.
So I commented on the post naming me in this Admin group. This post that had apparently been doing the rounds of admin groups for a couple of weeks. I rather politely (given the circumstances) defended myself. I pointed out that only the copyright holder could report these things.
My comments were liked by some of that group's Admins. I read through the rest of the group.
It appeared that an accusation of some kind of wrong-doing was all that was required for many of these admins to remove you from their own individual groups. I saw one case that included proof and that was pretty awful. The rest were "This person did that in my group" with a link to their profile. This was then followed by various claims of "Eww, I recommend empaths and sensitives don't go and look" or "Thanks, removed from my group".
Gossip and rumour were that was needed for these people to decide to remove someone from their groups. No kind of proof was provided or needed most of the time. Hearsay is enough for hanging.
I noticed a subthread going on in the thread about me, but I was having problems opening it to see what was being said. I kept getting messages that said "Something has gone wrong. Please try again later."
It took some time, (I think there was some kind of weird glitch on my phone that made it seem stranger,) but I discovered I'd been removed from this group and blocked. My friends had been removed from the group and blocked. One commented on the thread and managed to get a screenshot before she was removed and blocked. My comments where I defended myself had been deleted.
Somewhat ironically, the friend that got screenshots, posted on her page to warn people about this group. The first comment was from someone else saying the first group was absolutely shut down for illegal pdfs. She'd emailed several authors and publishers herself and sent them links to that group. It's a public post, anyone who chooses to stalk her profile can see all of it. I'm really hoping that someone is going to go looking.
This is the type of person that is running many facebook groups. They aren't interested in finding out the truth of an issue, they'll believe anything of anybody. The more salacious, the better. They're happy to believe the worst without proof. I'll lay money that they're the ones who require "negative" people leave their bad vibes at the doors of their respective groups too.
What I find even worse is that I'm a problem for wanting copyright laws respected. If these groups weren't breaking the law they would have nothing at all to worry about, even if I was the person doing the reporting.
This is a very sad state of affairs. The so-called leaders in these groups are childish gossips, looking for an opportunity to see the worst in their membership, sharing hearsay and rumours and finding more fault in wanting to uphold the law than in breaking it.
This has left me with quite a sour taste in my mouth. I am disappointed in the Pagan community for allowing this and most of all, I am grumpy.
I am very grumpy.
I had noticed that a couple of my facebook groups were missing from my feed. I wasn't overly active in either group so it wasn't a big deal, but I was bored so I went looking for them. I couldn't find them at all. I hadn't just been booted from the groups, I had also been blocked.
That's not something you could say was a facebook glitch, that requires someone to go out of their way to tick a few boxes.
As I had been more of a lurker than someone who comments anything controversial in both of these groups, I was more confused. I couldn't have said anything that upset anyone, since I hadn't said anything at all in either group for weeks.
I reached out to one of the admins from one of the groups to find out why. I wasn't certain if I cared enough to rejoin the group, but I was curious about my removal.
That admin did some digging and came back to tell me I had some haters that claimed I was trying to shut down groups. I was banned and blocked because of that, without anyone coming to ask me what the story was. She went on to ask if I'd heard of a certain person, let's call her Ms W, who was the second in command in a very large group. I had never heard of Ms W and I have had nothing whatsoever to do with that group since the previous (late) owner went on a massive power trip and spent a lot of time and energy hunting down people by their associations and trying to have them banned from everywhere.
She told me that Ms W had posted all about me in a group specifically for admins and mods of pagan groups. I admin several pagan groups, I applied to join.
I was accepted and fairly quickly found the post. Up to that point, I had assumed that I was only one of the accused and that it was really about a plagiarism and copyright theft watchdog group I'm a member of. Apparently it wasn't. The post started with my profile picture, a link to my profile page, claims that I got a group or two shut down by reporting copyright violations and warnings to be careful of me.
Now if I'd done it, I wouldn't have an issue. Shit yeah, boot me for standing up for the authors who you are stealing from, you miserable pieces of filth. I'd be owning it and damned proud.
But I didn't.
I only heard of these groups after they'd been shut down.
The first came to my attention when someone in one of my groups asked if anyone knew what had happened to it. I went looking and found a new incarnation (the third as it turns out). I went back and shared the link with the person who'd been looking.
Another friend was already in this new incarnation of the group and they sent me screenshots of their files section. Eight pages of screenshots. The files section contained lots and lots of pdf copies of books that were still under copyright.
So I passed this on to the watchdog group. There are plenty of authors and people from publishers in there. If they saw their work, they could request its removal and report it if that didn't happen. My part was done.
A lot of people don't seem to understand that only the copyright owner can take action of any kind. They are the only person who has the right and ability to say "this is mine and you do not have permission to be distributing it". They are the only person who can file a report for copyright violations, on facebook and anywhere else on the internet. They are the only person who can file a DMCA and have a website taken down.
For me to report copyright violations, it would have to be all my own work. I have written only one book and had one piece included in an anthology.
It takes more than one report for facebook to take action like this. It takes multiple reports before they'll look closer and decide you're clearly a problem and repeat offender.
Through circumstances in which I was merely a spectator, the files in the new group were removed. Great. Issue resolved.
The other group only came to my attention when someone posted about them in the watchdog group. The owner of the second group was a member of the watchdog group and was called out about his so called Library. He made his group secret and blocked the admins of the watchdog group. This got him booted from the group. But not before he'd gone through the entire membership of that group and individually blocked all the members.
Well, he must have missed some because I know of at least one who is still in his group. I've seen more screenshots of the paranoia he's taken to the new group, individually interviewing each new member before they're allowed in.
So here are two groups that I apparently had shut down by reporting copyright theft to facebook. Copyrights I had no right or ability to report. Groups I had no knowledge of and had never heard of until after they'd been reported.
So I commented on the post naming me in this Admin group. This post that had apparently been doing the rounds of admin groups for a couple of weeks. I rather politely (given the circumstances) defended myself. I pointed out that only the copyright holder could report these things.
My comments were liked by some of that group's Admins. I read through the rest of the group.
It appeared that an accusation of some kind of wrong-doing was all that was required for many of these admins to remove you from their own individual groups. I saw one case that included proof and that was pretty awful. The rest were "This person did that in my group" with a link to their profile. This was then followed by various claims of "Eww, I recommend empaths and sensitives don't go and look" or "Thanks, removed from my group".
Gossip and rumour were that was needed for these people to decide to remove someone from their groups. No kind of proof was provided or needed most of the time. Hearsay is enough for hanging.
I noticed a subthread going on in the thread about me, but I was having problems opening it to see what was being said. I kept getting messages that said "Something has gone wrong. Please try again later."
It took some time, (I think there was some kind of weird glitch on my phone that made it seem stranger,) but I discovered I'd been removed from this group and blocked. My friends had been removed from the group and blocked. One commented on the thread and managed to get a screenshot before she was removed and blocked. My comments where I defended myself had been deleted.
Somewhat ironically, the friend that got screenshots, posted on her page to warn people about this group. The first comment was from someone else saying the first group was absolutely shut down for illegal pdfs. She'd emailed several authors and publishers herself and sent them links to that group. It's a public post, anyone who chooses to stalk her profile can see all of it. I'm really hoping that someone is going to go looking.
This is the type of person that is running many facebook groups. They aren't interested in finding out the truth of an issue, they'll believe anything of anybody. The more salacious, the better. They're happy to believe the worst without proof. I'll lay money that they're the ones who require "negative" people leave their bad vibes at the doors of their respective groups too.
What I find even worse is that I'm a problem for wanting copyright laws respected. If these groups weren't breaking the law they would have nothing at all to worry about, even if I was the person doing the reporting.
This is a very sad state of affairs. The so-called leaders in these groups are childish gossips, looking for an opportunity to see the worst in their membership, sharing hearsay and rumours and finding more fault in wanting to uphold the law than in breaking it.
This has left me with quite a sour taste in my mouth. I am disappointed in the Pagan community for allowing this and most of all, I am grumpy.
I am very grumpy.
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