Saturday, 25 March 2017

Taking Credit Where It's Not Warranted

I've found within the Pagan and Magical community a tendency for self-aggrandisement. This isn't a new thing, not by any stretch.  There have always been the people who are so uber powerful and so much more special than everyone else.

But the one I've noticed the most lately is taking credit for other people's misfortune, or taking credit for surprise or miraculous major events.

As examples, one chap took credit for a storm changing it's predicted path and turning away from a major city, another claimed they'd caused a huge cluster of destructive earthquakes.  Another has taken credit for one man's death and another's misfortune.

There was a guy a few years ago (I think I mentioned him in another blog) who rang me to tell me he'd changed the weather so that I had sunshine for a party and was seriously expecting me to thank him.  Even though the weather was completely seasonal and fit what had been forecast.

There is also the mass curse of Daesh a year or so ago, it was a public event and because Russia did a bombing run a week or two after the curse, success was claimed.

I've recently had a bad run. I know the causes, they were rooted in choices made years ago and actions taken or not taken way back then.  It's not my personal misfortune, it's extremely bad health in someone very dear to me and while it's partially their own fault and partially genetics, it's still very distressing for me.

I find myself reluctant to talk about it though.  In many of the places where I would normally be asking for support and would normally get it, I find it difficult to raise.  This has hit me on a personal level and I realise that my struggle to ask for support is rooted in fear.  I don't want to have it come back to me that anyone I might have upset or offended over the past few years is taking credit for this.  And word of that will come back to me, it always does - just because I don't react publicly or obviously doesn't mean I don't know.

I think if I was to hear of someone bragging about how they caused this to happen, I would lose my shit on a spectacular scale.  All of the rages and tantrums I've ever had combined could not equal the reaction I would expect to have.  I would, in the end, be most likely facing some serious jail time and the loss of everything I hold dear.  And I would feel my wrath was justified.

So I don't talk about it with anyone outside of my close inner circle.  And it sucks.

I also find myself angry that my fear of other people's narcissistic behaviour and my potential reaction to it holds me back and prevents me from asking for what I need.  I am angry mostly at myself for buying into this shit, for letting it get to me before it happens and for overthinking myself into expecting it to happen.  It might not, although there are people in my wider circle who have done this sort of thing repeatedly so not being prepared for it would be equally foolish.  So I am also pre-emptively angry at the people who have done this in the past who may or may not try it with me this time.  Even though right now, I haven't given them the opportunity to be good people to me, I feel as though I'm punishing them (to some extent) because of what they might do.

And that sucks.

I find it a challenging and painful thing to talk about anyway.  I often cry when I am talking about it with the few I do trust enough to talk to.  I hate showing any weakness, I hate not being strong enough to cope with this.  I'm everyone's rock, I'm always okay, I'm not okay with not being okay.  I don't do vulnerability when anyone else can see, it's a secret and private thing that I am always a little ashamed of and embarrassed about.  Yes I've been lectured about it and I know that's not healthy and I am working on it.

And that sucks some more.

I sometimes wonder if this is part of the Keep Silent part of the pyramid/cornerstones/all sorts of different names depending on who you're talking to.  Even if you believe your magic caused this result, claiming it publicly makes you a wanker.  Save yourself the ridicule.  Especially if it's equally likely that it was nothing at all to do with you.



Monday, 20 March 2017

Hexing, Jinxing, Cursing and Binding

The Mass Binding of Donald Trump came up on a local group that I'm in.

As you can probably imagine, all the usual pearl-clutching and wailing about the consequences of taking part followed.  I patiently tried to explain the origins of threefold law, that it's not that simple and that it's a belief you need to buy into to have an effect.  I received a terribly funny condescending response from a girl younger than my oldest daughter telling me that it didn't matter what I believed, it was a law and would happen whether I believed it or not.

Such things continued rather predictably, apparently they're entitled to their beliefs and I'm not entitled to mine if they're different and so on.  Then one absolute gem of a respondent piped up.  I should trust him, my soul is in danger and I need to do some serious cleansing, my soul will thank me for it.  Blah blah blah.

Then I got a rather arrogant and terribly funny private message demanding I explain myself (because Hexing is Baaaaaaad) or he'd be forced to name and shame me and ban me from anything to do with their society.

It was the best belly laugh I've had in about a year.  I am open that I will hex and curse and bind where I see it's needed.  I have never had a backlash or bad consequences follow.  I am also smart enough not to blame the slightest little bit of bad luck or misfortune on anything than what actually caused it.  I don't see a hoofprint and expect to see a unicorn.  So, since I am so open about it, just who is he planning to name and shame me to?  What is this society that I'll be banned from?  Who is this guy anyway and why should I change or edit myself to suit him?

I've been active in our local community for most of the last 15 years.  I ran coffee meets for about 10 years, I've run several Pagan Festivals and I've had the only Pagan and Witchcraft stall at the Body Mind Spirit Festival for 12 years - although to be fair, there was a new one at the last festival.  I was part of a group that ran open sabbats and esbats in Christchurch.

As such, I know most of the people worth knowing in our local community.  Before his arrogant assumption of group conscience, I had never heard of him.

I have met busybodies of his sort before, they believe they have some sort of responsibility for the "spiritual wellbeing" of a group, they are self-appointed in this role and are usually overbearing, filled with expectations of gratitude for providing a service that is neither needed or wanted.  I have never seen it end well for the person concerned.

Anyway, because it was so politely requested (*eyeroll*) I have decided to "explain myself", just so that we're completely clear on my views.

I will hex, curse and bind where I see a need.  However, that need must be genuine and not something I do lightly.  A decent curse or binding takes planning and work, it takes my time and energy and for me to bother with one requires more than boredom and feeling a little offended.  I am not going to throw down because someone insulted me on the internet or hurt my feelings in some way.  I'm a big girl, I can cope without resorting to petty revenge.

I am specific in my curses and bindings. I make it clear exactly what outcome I am working for.  Whether that is the target suddenly starts to take responsibility for their past deeds, or they are unable to speak falsehood or gossip regarding specific people or that they get horribly sick from their continued alcohol abuse or they see people they've been favouring for who they really are.

While I have worked on behalf of others and will continue to do so, that also requires an explanation of why it's needed and for me to believe that it's necessary.  I don't do it for just anyone either, only people who are important to me in some way.

The only way a curse ever backfires or has a backlash is when you believe it will and you build it into your magic unconsciously.  Or when you plan and craft your spell badly without proper attention to detail.  There may be unintended consequences that come from poor planning and a lack of attention to detail, as with any spell crafting.  

A well-planned and crafted spell cast with no guilt or expectations of backlash should cause no issues to anyone except the intended target.  You have to mean it, you have to know (not just believe) you're doing it for reasons that are right to you and you need to be certain that you know what you're doing.

So to be clear, I do not and will not recommend firing off a curse whenever you feel a bit pissy, someone disagrees with you or for any real or imagined slight you suffer.  Raping my daughter and claiming it was consensual - that will get you bound and cursed.  Continuously attempting to sabotage my place of employment - that will get a lesser curse.  Repeated stalking and harrassment of people who matter to me - that curse is ongoing and cumulative.