Donating to Charity

Most of us like to donate something to Charities where we can and when we can.  With Christmas fast approaching it's something that's very much talked about.

This week, a Maori Women's Refuge Charity - The Aunties - spoke out asking that people don't give them tinned tomatoes, chickpeas or lentils.

In an article on Stuff, they explained that they have pantries filled with tinned tomatoes and nothing else and that is not useful to a woman with young children who have just arrived, ripped out of their home, traumatised and grieving.

They point out how much better it is to find out what a charity actually needs and that most publish wish lists that are easily found.

This has led to a sadly predictable uproar.  Many people are offended at their pickiness, saying things like "beggars can't be choosers" and "I can make a decent meal out of tinned tomatoes along with x, y and z, why can't you?" and "If you can be picky you're not that needy".  Many commenters have sworn off ever donating to Women's Refuge ever again.

I believe this is missing the point.  Actually, it's missing several.

Yes, tinned tomatoes are useful and many people (myself included) would go through at least a tin a week.  But not on their own.  They need meat and onions and herbs to make a bolognese, they need other veges to make a curry, they need bread to go on toast.  The article said the pantries were filled with tinned tomatoes and nothing else.  The problem is that they have plenty and need the other stuff to make the meals with.  Giving them recipes and teaching them how to cook with tinned tomatoes isn't going to make the other necessary ingredients magically appear.

Donating to charities, giving to those in need is supposed to be about what they need not about what you think they should have.  It's also supposed to be about compassion for their circumstances not about judging them for not needing what you think they should have.

Donating to charities isn't about you.  Feeling good about having helped is supposed to be a side effect.  Having your feelings hurt because a charity has asked you not to give something says more about you than it does about that charity.  And it says nothing good.

Have a little empathy.  This is a Women's Refuge.  This is a place where women arrive in the middle of the night with usually small children in tow.  They've often just had the crap beaten out of them, they're emotionally drained, they're in shock with a side order of terror because they've finally done something to get them out of that position and they're afraid it won't last or things will get worse because of it and they're trying to keep themselves together for the equally traumatised children.  Try putting yourself into that place, try imagining the complete shock and trauma they are going through.  Now imagine trying to function well enough to whip up a delicious middle class healthy meal.  If you tell me you could do it, I'm going to call you a liar.

It's not as though it's a family at home who are having some rough times and need a food parcel to help them out this week because money's tight and they can't afford to feed their children.  This is a totally different situation and unless you've actually been there, you are in no position to judge what they need.

I think everyone's first reaction was to be a little offended.  "What do you mean my donation isn't good enough?"  In most of my friends, I'm glad to say, they took a step back and examined why they were offended and were good enough people to own it and accept that they were wrong.  It's a shame that more people aren't like them.

Blessings




Debbie